Only a Game
by Phoebsfan
Summary: AU The kiss had ruined that for them. Ruined her for anyone else if she was honest with herself.


It was funny really. The way she resisted for so long.

Almost like a game they played with each other. 

Daring the other to cross the line. Neither one of them wanted to be responsible for it in the end.

Always needed someone else to blame.

So he'd tease her and she'd flirt back.

It was entirely unintentional of course. She'd never want to be with a man like him.

Just because she like to watch him, shirtless, chopping wood. Just because he had the ability to make her smile. It didn't mean she'd choose to fall for him. It didn't mean anything.

The kiss had ruined that for them. 

Ruined her for anyone else if she was honest with herself. 

Because after...

It was all she could think about when he was around And more often than not, when he wasn't around either.

Two loaded guns just waiting to go off. Live wires, every touch or look had the potential for electrocution.

It would be explosive. They'd go down in flames.

Or so she told herself repeatedly.

Run.

But he was bent on self destruction, and though she didn't like to admit it, part of her was more that willing to burn up with him.

So he didn't let up.

He'd follow her around, give her no room to escape his heated looks, his crude comments.

She found herself drowning in him.

Forget falling. She was pushed, pulled, dragged kicking and screaming into it.

So she kissed him again, her back against a tree, his hands everywhere.

Adding more fuel to a fire that was already well out of control.

It was his fault. He'd come to golf with them. He was supposed to stay on the beach like the outcast that he was. Not supposed to join them. Make an effort.

They'd been walking to the beach after. It was getting dark, they were alone. Somehow they'd managed to be the last ones, everyone else already well on their way to the beach or caves. She'd been in front of him, he hadn't been paying attention.

He crashed into her when she stopped suddenly to ask him why he'd come.

Somehow she'd lost the nerve to ask and instead found her lips on his. He'd responded by pushing her against the nearest tree and continuing where they'd left off.

Something in her felt full when he was sharing the same air, breathing the same space.

It left her utterly confused and entirely content.

And he knew it.

Knew exactly the right buttons to push. Knew how to leave her begging for more with one lust filled look. He knew her far too well.

She'd only pushed him away when she thought she heard something in the trees.

He'd decided to ignore the whole thing.

She didn't mean anything, his body was bent on betraying him because it had been so long. She wasn't his type anyway. He was more into the blonde leggy types.

And denial.

Yet he found himself wanting to touch her again.

She was becoming an obsession.

So he followed her into the jungle. Found their own private lagoon, and thanked whatever gods were listening that she decided to go swimming with him.

It gave him ample opportunity to touch her.

Soft skin, ticklish soft skin.

And a perfectly proportioned body that he knew would feel wonderful pressed into his.

He took every opportunity that presented itself. She offered herself willingly.

And he'd just worked up the nerve to try for kiss three when John and Jane and the stupid case turned up ruining everything.

He didn't want declarations. Didn't want public attachments. He didn't even want to get into her pants anymore. Ok maybe he still did want that, just not as much as he wanted other things.

But he had the sinking feeling he wouldn't be able to walk away if things ever got that far.

In fact he was almost relieved when she played her hand. Pitted Jack against him once more, this time for some stupid case. It could justify his anger and frustration with her. With the whole thing.

For awhile he thought it was just about the game of it. Winning what she claimed he'd never get. She was going to be a fun little distraction to keep him from going insane in the middle of nowhere.

But somewhere along the line things changed. He was playing for keeps and whether she knew it or not so was she.

He got his third kiss after Charlie shot Ethan.  
He stole it just as they were arriving back at the beach. She was lagging behind everyone, eyes on the ground, so he slowed and waited for her to catch up to him.

Grabbed her wrist as she was passing.

It was quick, pressed against her forehead.

He tried not to think about how scared he'd been, how grateful it was Scott or Steve who ended up under ground.

Let go of her wrist and laced his fingers with hers briefly, gave her hand a squeeze before releasing her as they started toward the others.

She tried not to think about what it meant.

Kiss number four came after their little drinking game.

He'd ripped a perfect little hole in her secret life. She wanted him to atone for it. He'd only wanted her to pay for her sharp words, but her sad eyes had filled him with self loathing.

So he'd kissed back until he couldn't breathe. Up to the point where it hurt to tear himself from her bruising lips and pressing fingers. All her anger tied up in a kiss he'd never forget.

He'd never been eager for redemption.

He punished himself by turning his back and going to sleep with empty arms, desire coursing through his veins thicker than blood. His heart pounding loud in his ears.

She left him alone. Knowing it would only take one touch to send them both over the edge of a cliff they'd never be able to climb back up.

She made up for the violence and anger of kiss four with a whisper soft five.

The roller coaster of emotions she felt with him were enough to make anyone crazy.

But watching him stand with a gun pointed at the boar that was supposedly ruining his life, seeing him let it go, woke up something inside that had been asleep for far too long.

It wasn't pity. It was compassion.

She wondered if he knew he was better than she'd ever be.

So she'd tried to tell him gently with her lips.

She'd never been good with words.

The next handful of kisses were sweet. He gave up counting. She was becoming more and more unpredictable. Less and less selfish with her attention.

His pride had been hurt and his ego damaged. Stupid glasses. The great and wonderful Jack and his stupid questions. Asking if he'd ever slept with a prostitute and right in front of Kate. And then with the whole steamrolled Harry Potter.

He didn't care. He wasn't going to let it bother him. Except that it did, just a little.

She waited until it was late.

He'd fallen asleep with his glasses perched on his nose, in front of his tent, his book draped across one knee.

She kissed his nose and pulled his glasses off as he woke.

"Hi."

"Hello to you. To what do I owe this pleasure Freckles?"

She kissed his forehead.

"Did I ever tell you that glasses are sexy on you?" she chuckled and kissed his lips.

He let her linger, enjoyed her taste. Wished it never had to end.

When she pulled back he grabbed her hands.

He knew then it was too late to turn back.

He was going to break her heart. She was going to break his.

They were a volatile mixture.

"Know what looks sexy on you?" He asked pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"You?" She smirked returning the favor.

"I was gonna say nothing, but that works too."

Then he pulled her into his tent and spent the rest of the night kissing her.

When she woke the next morning, still in his arms, she ran.

She'd told him things that she'd sworn never to tell. As he'd held her, kissed her, she'd told him about the marshal, about why she was on the plane. She hadn't told him everything but enough to make her vulnerable.

He'd admitted that he knew most of it. And it shouldn't have scared her the next morning, but it had.

It wasn't like they'd had sex. He really hadn't seen anything he hadn't seen before. Didn't know anything he hadn't known before. They hadn't really crossed any lines.

Except that they had.

Somehow she'd stolen the one thing he'd sworn not to have. The one thing he'd promised himself would never be on the line again.

Somehow he'd gotten under her skin. She needed to get him out, even if it meant cutting him out.

So she tried to take his place on the raft.

Oh she'd justified it. She knew her only chance at freedom was sitting on that raft. But even that was a slim chance. Even that was unlikely.

And when it came down to him leaving. When he told her he had nothing left to stay for. She snapped.

Rough hands woke him from his sleep that last night. Her kisses were mixed with tears.

It was explosive.

Primitive.

Simple and complex.

Her anger meshed well with his self destructive habits and they both had plenty of time to atone for their sins.

He was right, she fit into all his hollow spaces perfectly. And as he held her after their first violent joining, she cried into his chest. Wanting so badly to tell him not to go, but not able to find the words. Never able to find the words.

As her skin slid across his, softly, gently, so tenderly, after her tears had all fallen. As he lost himself in her broken eyes. Felt her welcome him into her safe haven.

He knew he would never get his heart back. Didn't even know if he wanted it back. Only knew that he had to leave her in the morning. That she would probably never be with him like this again.

He only hoped she didn't feel the same. Afraid it was already too late.

They held each other for a long time afterward, no words exchanged. Together but alone.

She waited until he had fallen asleep to gather her clothes and leave.

Wanted to tell him goodbye, but not wanting to break her rule. She wouldn't watch the raft drift off either. Wouldn't watch as the one thing she'd learned to care about once more left her.

She'd avoided him mostly. She'd felt his eyes on her once or twice when they were pushing the raft toward the ocean, was almost grateful it broke. Hopeful for a moment that he wouldn't leave after all.

She knew that it didn't matter in the long run, knew that the raft would be fixed and she didn't want to be there when it was. So she ran again. Planned on avoiding the beach until they were gone.

But circumstances had put her on the beach later, and she had looked for him.

When he wasn't there, when she couldn't tell him good bye, couldn't break her rule, she tried not to care.

It was only a game they played and he'd won.

Taken even more than she'd sworn not to give.

And as he drifted further from the island and her, he tried not to care so much that she wasn't there. That she hadn't asked him to stay. He didn't deserve it.

After all it was only a game they played. So she'd cheated and taken a vital part of him in the process.

He still didn't think she won.

No, he was pretty sure they'd both lost.

_  
I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"... it's telling me all these things... that you would probably hide... am I... your one and only desire... am I the reason you breathe... or am I the reason you cry... Always... always... always... always... always... always...I just can't live without you... I love you... I hate you... I can't get around you... I breathe you... I taste you... I can't live without you... I just can't take anymore... this life of solitude... I guess that I'm out the door... and now I'm done with you... I feel... like you don't want me around... I guess I'll pack all my things... I guess I'll see you around... It's all... been bottled up until now... as I walk out your door... all I can hear is the sound... Always... always... always... always... always... always... I just can't live without you... I love you... I hate you... I can't get around you... I breathe you... I taste you... I can't live without you... I just can't take anymore... this life of solitude... I guess that I'm out the door... and now I'm done with you... I love you... I hate you... I can't live without you... I left my head around your heart... Why would you tear my world apart... Always... always... always... always... I see... the blood all over your hands... does it make you feel... more like a man... was it all... just a part of your plan... the pistol's shakin' in my hands... and all I hear is the sound... I love you... I hate you... I can't live without you... I breathe you... I taste you... I can't live without you... I just can't take anymore... this life of solitude... I guess that I'm out the door... and now I'm done with you... I love you... I hate you... I can't live without you... I love you... I hate you... I can't live without you... I just can't take anymore...this life of solitude... I pick myself off the floor... and now I'm done with you... Always...Always... Always...  
Always-Saliva_

AN: A season two chapter may be in the works. No promises though.


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